After about 3-4 bunch days, where I found myself eating Biscoff Cookie Spread just out of the tin or eating a whole Orange Chocolate and two muffins just on the go. And after 2 days of drinking with friend (that's not really bad, the binching is). So after these days and being afraid of gaining a ton of weight I need to clear my mind. I don't really know why I binched on thursday and friday. There was no reason. I wasn't restricting myself as bad as before, I wasn't counting calories. I just wanted to focus on "eat when you're hungry" and "eat healthy, because you are feeling better if you eat healthy". I assume it was the stress of my first week in my interturnship and the lack of sleep. But it's not an excuse. I binched. I ate like a robot, my mind was saying now but I couldn't stop and I just don't know why. I am so afraid because I don't know how to stop and I'm afraid that I'm not going to able to say "no" the next time these thoughts are going to my mind.
I'm going to do a lot of sport the next 1-2 weeks and eat really healthy and count calories the last time in my life. Just to be sure I kinda get over the calories I consumed in the last days. About 10.000-12.000 to much in the last 3-4 days. It's shocking I know. I'm going to take the bike, I continue my marathon training and I'm going to eat healthy.
After that, I am having a goals. It's healthy eating. I'm not going to weigh myself after I'm sure I didn't gained a lot of weight after my binched. I'm going to weigh myself in 2 weeks. After that I have some other goals: being healthy, fitting in a pair of jeans I love, train hard to get stronger and get more slim muscles, doing yoga and ballet for slim muscles. Goals beside the "weight loss". I want to get slimmer. But my main goal right now is to recover from the binching. If I'm going to be able to maintain my weight, fitting in my pants or maybe get fitter. That's amazing. I just don't want to be controlled by food.
Some points are important:
- eat healthy and natural food
- eat more protein and fats - keeps you full for longer
- eat less sweets and sugar
- don't eat to less
- don't restrict yourself or label food as "bad foods"
- eat when I'm hungry, not because I'm bored
- eat until I'm full and don't continue eating just because it's there
- getting into cooking
- portion control - I don't too much food, but I shouldn't eat to less food
- be happy with my way of eating
- healthy, balanced, mindful, intuitive eating
Be fine with having a bowl of cereal sometimes or pancakes, or a large breakfast. But also having soups, smoothie, yummy salads with tofu and eggs. Much protein, vegetable. Just finding balance. Maybe some day I eat 2300 calories, somedays I'll eat 1500. Some days I burn 1400 after a 21k run, somedays I just chill. It's balance. It's all right. This is my goal. Eating healthy, balanced, Intuitive, without restrictions. But mindful and healthy, just because It's much better for my soul and my body (I'm not bloated). I need to understand this. Balance, healthy and intuitive eating is going to make me happy. Three healthy meals and snacks only If I'm really really hungry in between the meals. Often I'm not, I'm just bored. So - mindful eating, much water, tea.
And some goals beside losing weight:
- enjoy working out, doing pilates, yoga and ballet - not because I want to lose weight but because I like to workout, get stronger, more flexible, more toned.
- read more
- write more
- watch new tv shows and movies
- study more
- taking care of myself - relax, taking time for skin and hair care (I don't use a hair mask very often or I don't moisture my skin after I showered :/)
- live - not for weight loss, not with the thoughts (my life starts after I lost weight). Live for me. For happiness.
I just want to be happy.
I want to workout.
I want to eat healthy.
I want to live for my life. Not being controlled by food.